Treason of the Hawks - by Stephen Walt

I wanted to spread this great blog post by Stephen Walt, a Harvard professor.

The treason of the hawks
Tue, 04/28/2009 - 11:47am
http://walt.foreignpolicy.com/node/17280

In Every War Must End, his classic study of war termination, Fred Iklé coined the term "treason of the hawks" to describe those tragic situations where hardliners stubbornly refuse to make peace and thereby lead their countries to disaster. Iklé, who served as Ronald Reagan’s under secretary of defense and is certainly no dove, recognized that obstinate opposition to making peace is as dangerous to a nation's future as naïve pacifism and potentially as damaging as deliberately selling out to the enemy.

After pointing out that "treason" is a word that carries especially harsh moral connotations, Iklé noted:

[T]he English language is without a word of equally strong opprobrium to designate acts that can lead to the destruction of one’s government and one’s country, not by giving aid and comfort to the enemy, but by making enemies, not by fighting too little, but by fighting too much and too long. 'Adventurism' -- much too weak a word -- is perhaps the best term to describe this 'treason of the hawks.' ... Treason can help our enemies destroy our country by making them stronger; adventurism can destroy our country by making our enemies more numerous."
I was reminded of Iklé’s insights when I read about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s ideas for resuming the peace process with the Palestinians. Netanyahu clearly wants to avoid an open rift with the Obama administration, which has forcefully reiterated its commitment to negotiating a two-state solution. To do that, he has to pay lip service to the peace process. But because Netanyahu has long opposed the creation of a viable Palestinian state and instead wants to extend Israel's control of the West Bank, he has to lay out a set of demands that will endlessly delay the process and make it hard for Obama to put meaningful pressure on him.

According to Ha'aretz, Netanyahu will insist that the Palestinians go beyond their prior recognition of Israel's right to exist (as expressed in the 1993 Oslo Accord) and explicitly recognize Israel as a "Jewish state." Furthermore, he wants the United States to agree that a future Palestinian state be barred from possessing its own army and forbidden from making alliances with other countries, while Israel is permitted to monitor its borders, its airspace, and its use of the electromagnetic spectrum, presumably in perpetuity. In the meantime, the expansion of Israeli settlements will surely continue, and in ways that will soon preclude any possibility of a territorially contiguous state on the West Bank. Lastly, Netanyahu wants to link progress toward a two-state solution with an end to Iran's nuclear program. As I've noted before, this condition would allow Tehran -- purposely or inadvertently -- to derail a two-state solution by stonewalling on the nuclear issue. Ironically, this outcome might suit Iran and Netanyahu alike: Israel could keep expanding settlements and the Islamic Republic could continue to play the Palestine card against its Arab rivals.

My question is this: What is Netanyahu thinking? Doesn't he realize that time has nearly run out for the two-state solution, and that failure to achieve it is by far the most serious threat facing Israel? The prime minister and his allies keep harping about an "existential" threat from Iran, but this bogeyman is mostly nonsense. Iran has zero -- repeat, zero -- nuclear weapons today, and even if it were to acquire a few at some point in the future, it could not use them against nuclear-armed Israel without committing national suicide. Let me say that again: national suicide.

And could someone please explain to Netanyahu that a group of devout Muslim clerics aren't likely to fire warheads at a land that contains the third holiest site in Islam? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said some remarkably foolish things about the Holocaust and repeatedly questioned Israel's legitimacy (as in his oft-mistranslated statement about Israel "vanishing from the page of time"), but he's never threatened to murder millions of Israelis (and Palestinians) with nuclear weapons. Just last weekend, he even told ABC's George Stephanopolous that if the Palestinians reached an agreement with Israel, then Iran would support it. Moreover, as Roger Cohen has noted, there is no evidence that Ahmadinejad has any particular animus toward Iran's own Jewish community. Despite his many offensive statements, in short, Ahmadinejad is not Adolf Hitler and we are not living in the 1930s.

The real threat to Israel's future is the occupation, and the conflict with the Palestinians that it perpetuates. To see that, all you have to do is look at current demographic trends and poll results and then ponder the consequences for Israel. There are presently about 5.6 million Jews in "Greater Israel," (i.e., the 1967 borders plus the West Bank) and about 5.2 million Arabs (of whom nearly 1.5 million are citizens of Israel). Palestinian birth rates are substantially higher, however, which means they will be a majority of the population in "Greater Israel" in the not-too-distant future. To put it bluntly, it is Palestinian wombs and not Iranian bombs that pose the real threat.

Netanyahu ought to be equally concerned by signs that the Zionist ideal is losing its hold within Israel itself. There are reportedly between 700,000 and one million Israeli citizens now living abroad, and emigration has outpaced immigration since 2007. According to Ian Lustick and John Mueller, only 69 percent of Israeli Jews say they want to remain in the country, and a 2007 poll reported that about one-quarter of Israelis are considering leaving, including almost half of all young people. As Lustick and Mueller note, hyping the threat from Iran may be making this problem worse, especially among the most highly educated (and thus most mobile) Israelis. Israeli society is also becoming more polarized -- which is one reason Netanyahu had such trouble forming a governing coalition -- with the Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox at odds with secular Israelis, to include the more recent immigrants that form the core of Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman's support.

So what are Israel's options? One alternative would be to make the West Bank and Gaza part of Israel, but allow the Palestinians who live there to have full political rights, thereby creating a binational liberal democracy. This idea has been promoted by a handful of Israeli Jews and a growing number of Palestinians, but the objections to it are compelling. It would mean abandoning the Zionist vision of a Jewish state, which makes it anathema to almost all Israeli Jews, who want to live in a Jewish state. The practical obstacles to this outcome are equally daunting, and binational states do not have an encouraging track record. If the choice were between this option and a genuine two-state solution, there can be little doubt about which Netanyahu would prefer.

A second option would be for Israel to retain the West Bank and expel the Palestinians by force, there preserving its Jewish character through an overt act of ethnic cleansing. A few Israeli extremists have proposed something akin to this, but to expel millions of Palestinians in this fashion would be a crime against humanity. The Palestinians would surely resist being driven from their homes, and such a heinous act would take place in full view of a horrified world and damage Israel's reputation far more than the recent carnage in Gaza did. No true friend of Israel could support such a course of action, and one hopes that Netanyahu has the good sense to recognize that it would be a tragic mistake to go down this road.

The only other option to a genuine two-state solution is some form of apartheid, in which the Palestinians are granted limited autonomy in some disconnected and economically crippled enclaves whose borders, airspace, and aquifers are controlled by Israel. The Palestinians' fate, in other words, would remain in Israel's hands, even if some modest efforts were made to improve their living conditions. This outcome seems to be what Netanyahu has in mind, but it is not a viable long-term solution either. The Palestinians are not going to accept being permanent vassals -- especially once they are a majority in the area between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean -- and they will continue to demand either a viable state of their own or full political rights within Israel. Over time, this option is going to be an increasingly difficult sell around the world, and especially in the West.

That is why former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert told Ha'aretz in 2008, "if the day comes when the two-state solution collapses," Israel will face "a South-African style struggle for voting rights." Once that happened, he warned, "the state of Israel is finished." Despite his long career as a Likud Party stalwart, Olmert finally recognized that if the two-state solution becomes impossible, Israel will be stuck defending a political order that is anathema to prevailing Western and American values. Although lots of other democracies have behaved abominably towards minorities in the past, such behavior is not legitimate in the 21st century. Americans favor self-determination and our own political traditions emphasize liberal values and the virtues of a melting-pot society. Even a lobbying group as powerful as AIPAC will find it hard to defend Israeli apartheid.

A two-state solution is not an ideal outcome; it is merely the best available alternative. If Netanyahu wants to safeguard Israel's future, therefore, he would not spend his time inventing new conditions and doing his best to make the peace process a charade. Instead, he would get on the phone to the White House and urge them to get moving as soon as possible to establish a viable Palestinian state, and he'd ask Obama to commit the resources necessary to make it work. He'd also be on the phone to Abraham Foxman of the ADL, Malcolm Hoenlein of the Conference of Presidents, David Harris of the American Jewish Committee, and Howard Kohr of AIPAC, urging them to pressure the White House and especially Congress to broker a two-state solution before it's too late. While he's at it, he'd denounce false friends like the Reverend John Hagee of Christians United for Israel and he'd invite Jeremy Ben-Ami of J Street to come to Jerusalem and help him map out a strategy to turn the Titanic around before it hits the approaching iceberg.

There would still be lots of hard bargaining to do, of course, and Netanyahu would have to make sure that a final-status agreement protected Israel's legitimate security concerns. But by acting in this way, Netanyahu would be helping preserve Israel's future instead of putting it in jeopardy.

If Netanayahu can't figure this out, then Barack Obama and George Mitchell are going to have to sit him down and explain the situation to him. And if they do, one can only hope that Israel's supporters here in the United States abandon their usual modus operandi and back Obama and Mitchell up. If they don't, they may someday have to explain to their grandchildren why they watched Israel drive itself off a cliff and did nothing to stop it.

village life

Lately, I've been thinking about what my life here in Kfar Qara is - what fills my days and what I've learned by being here. I love it here, and sometimes it's hard to put my finger on why. Life is slow and contented for the most part, moving hazily through days of good food and people that I love spending time with. But there must be something significant that makes me so happy here.

One is that I don't talk about politics. This may be surprising (I know I wasn't expecting it). In a part of the world with so much political chaos, and especially in Israel/Palestine with an ongoing conflict, I expected to be talking about politics a lot with people here. But after 4 months here, I realized that I rarely do. Around the Israeli elections in March, there was some political talk. But for the most part, my friends here don't talk about it because the situation is what it is and, I quote, "there's nothing left to talk about." I guess it gets pointless and tiring talking about your political reality. It's not the same for us, sitting in our American homes discussing Middle East politics as an abstract concept. Here, it's real, and it's just too depressing to bother talking about. Better to live life. Not that it doesn't come up, and I'm sure there are many political conversations that I'm not privy to.

The point I'm making is a personal one - my life here doesn't consist of discussing politics from an ‘insider’ perspective. Rather, I’ve learned that life isn’t all politics, and as much as you can talk and talk about the situation here, the people who live here are the powerless ones. And I’ve learned to stop talking about the political situation, and just be content to be here.

The other thing about life in Kfar Qara is that I’ve re-connected with the quiet life. It’s been a long time since I lived in a small town. There’s something lovely about it. I have time and space for walks, I don’t hear the honking of traffic in the morning, and the only option for things to do on weekends is visit someone’s house.

Which means I spend a lot of time with people. The environment is totally different than living in Cairo. In Cairo, my friends are mostly people like me, young, single, working. Whether Egyptian or foreign, most of us worked and went out in the evenings – doing the typical city things. Here, I’ve been forced to adapt my lifestyle to the one that works here – a lifestyle dictated by family. Though I’m still on the outside a bit, because I live with a family I spend nearly all my non-working time with them. I do laundry and wash dishes. I sit and talk with Afnan over tea. And, I talk and play with Zeina and Fofo, or go outside and walk with them as they bike in the valley. We visit Afnan’s parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. I drive to pick up the girls from school or to the store to buy flour to bake a cake.

What choices we make in life! And what stages we go through. As I live this quiet life, I can’t help contrasting it to my life in Cairo, or what my life will be next year in NYC. It’s been great to have this time, and I think I’ve learned to appreciate the slower, quieter side of life, family, and being content. Politics and having intellectual discussions have their place, and I’m sure I’ll be having plenty of those conversations next year. But, I may also look back wistfully on this time in Kfar Qara.

on the occasion of the Nakba

today marks the Nakba, or Catastrophe: the day when Palestinians' hopes of returning to their homes after fleeing violence were dashed when Israel was declared a Jewish state.

it is also Independence Day for Israel, a day of celebration.

living here, in Kfar Qara inside the state of Israel, presents an odd juxtaposition.  today is a holiday for Israel, full of parties, BBQs, fireworks, and fun.  for the Arab community, the Nakba is a day like any other, except to remember the tragic fate that overcame them in 1948.

Instead of celebrating today, I'm at work - though only for part of the day - and then I'm staying in Kfar Qara with my new family.  I won't be BBQing today.

I don't have a problem with the State of Israel existing, or with the Jewish people having a homeland.  I have a problem with the way the State was created; the Exclusivity which declared it a Jewish State for Jewish people only in 1948, systematically disinheriting and marginalizing the entire Arab population who were currently living on the land.  Israel could have been an inclusive state, becoming a state where Jews, Muslims, Christians could live together in a pluralistic and democratic state.  Instead, once again the human race (we love to do this) chose to give in to feelings of entitlement and privilege one group over another.

That's what I have a problem with.  Now don't get me wrong, I know we Americans are even worse.  Our country was created on a foundation of massacres and bloody extermination of people groups.  We had our own feeling of entitlement to land and resources, and we still do today, perhaps more than any other country in the world.  We all bear some guilt for this.  I still celebrate the 4th of July, perhaps because I still see America as a country that is progressing and becoming slowly more open and accepting as the years pass by.  

We all choose our battles.  I can't protest everything.  But because of where I am, and the still-recent and all too fresh emotions that are attached to this day, this day is a battle I'm still willing to fight.  So today, the day of the Nakba, I won't be celebrating.

Wow.  I don't know how time passes so fast!  I am a horrible blogger - I mean, it's actually pathetic that I didnt' write anything on here for 4 months.

Well, it's nearly impossible to recap the last few months, but I'll take a stab at the most important parts.  November and December were delightful in Cairo.  I enjoyed great times with friends, and had a relaxed time with work.  I started tutoring my friend's husband in English, which was great and I was able to spend much more time with their family.  I also had a great Christmas with my friends in Cairo, complete with a full Christmas dinner, Christmas songs, and the Nutcracker Ballet at the Cairo Opera House.

In January, I moved to Kfar Qara - a small Arab town in Israel.  I have been in Kfar Qara now for almost a month.  The time is flying, and I am enjoying every minute.  I am living with a great family here, consisting of the dad Mohamed who is a lawyer, the mom Afnan who's a math teacher, and the two girls, Fatima and Zeina (they are 10 and 8 years old.)   They are known as Fofo and Zanzuna around the house. :)

I am working at a research center that is located here in the village.  It is a scientific research center - so they focus on science projects and science education for the Arab towns in the area.  There is a serious lack of good science education and knowledge within the Arab population in Israel, so the scientists at the center are attempting to catalyze some improvement.  I am helping with various things, mostly writing and editing and helping to organize new projects.

Living in a different Arab context - especially among Arabs in Israel - is a very interesting contrast to Egypt.  Here the Arabs live as a minority population in a relatively unstable and hostile political environment.  There are literally Israeli Jewish politicians on the 5 o'clock news talking about how all the Arabs in the country should be kicked out.  Open racism is a reality for them.  Discrimination in work and schools is also widespread - and in general the Arabs here deal with very difficult circumstances.  However, surveys (and my conversations) have also shown that the majority of Arabs here would not leave Israel if given the chance to live in another Arab country.  They realize that there are merits to at least living in a democracy.  I guess it's choosing the better of two evils (Israel or an Arab government).  Sadly, another Arab country is a worse alternative.

It is so much more beautiful and clean here.  I feel like it also affects the population.  The people in Kfar Qara are unfailingly polite and hospitable.  They also seem to respect their environment much more than Egyptians.  In Cairo, I think that the population has been severely psychologically affected by the pollution and filth that surround their lives.  Perhaps it damages self-respect, I  don't really know.  And I'm enjoying a change from the rudeness and harassment that often seems the norm in Cairo.  I miss Cairo, too.  I miss the chaos and the 'life' that infects you there..... the millions of people and the ability to learn something new every day.  Here in Kfar Qara, I'm learning more by absorption, and beauty and time to reflect and meditate.  It's a nice change.

That's all for now.  Hopefully coming soon, I'll be able to write more about what I've been learning here. :)

Suffering

So some guilt is already creeping in as I'm living my 'fake suburban life' in Cairo (that's what I'm calling it).  I think one reason that I have the creeping guilt is that I have many friends who are doing (what I view as) great and amazing things that I wish I was also doing.  Maybe I want to do too many things, or maybe I am too insecure to be happy with my own life.  I don’t know – all I know is that some of my friends are doing freaking awesome things with their lives.  It’s a good thing for me to be friends with them; they often inspire me (unknowingly) to continue to work at having an unorthodox life.  It is possible!

 I have a friend living here in Cairo who is one such person.  After growing up in Egypt, he went to Gaza to volunteer for a few months and ended up staying for two years working for an organization there doing international development and community reconciliation projects.  Now, though physically back in Cairo, his mind is still constantly in Gaza with his friends and colleagues there.  When I have heard him speak about Gaza, he clearly demonstrates superior knowledge of the situation there, the feelings of the Palestinian people, the prospects for peace, etc.  But even more, I see that being in Gaza changed him – and in fact he will never return from Gaza.  The intensity and grief of spending time in a place engrossed in so much tragedy will forever touch his thoughts, beliefs and perceptions.

 My friends and I once joked that we wished we could be superheroes so we could help the world.  It would be great to swoop in with special powers and have the ability to take away the suffering of other people.  Of course, I want to be able to make a positive difference in the world and do something worthwhile with my life.  But I think that sometimes just living as a witness to suffering is another thing that we have to do as human beings.  If we live without accepting the deep suffering of others, maybe we have closed ourselves to part of the human experience. 

 I admire my friend not because he is a strong person, or independent, or hard-working, or exceptionally driven, but because he really went and lived among those who are suffering.  And not only did he live in Gaza, but he let Gaza touch him and change him.  In my opinion, that experience is a gift; the kind of gift that allows you to have true compassion.  Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk and teacher, says that without knowing suffering you cannot have compassion.  He also says that to him, paradise will not be a place without suffering, because then there would be no compassion.  He says we have to know our own suffering and the suffering of others.  I think there is a lot of truth in that.  For most of us, accepting suffering is hard.  We want to heal it, fix it, repair it.  We don’t want to accept that some things will never be fixed or healed.  (On a side note: I think a lot of evangelical Christians in the U.S. should think a little bit about really embracing the suffering of the world, and allowing it to show them what compassion really is.  In general, I think American Christians do a poor job of this.)

So perhaps suffering needs to be accepted.  This probably goes for peoples’ hearts, but also for the broader political confrontations and conflicts in this world.  I don’t know – maybe the Palestinians and Israelis will never find peace and never get along.  Maybe one will always have to dominate the other.  Maybe all we can do is witness the suffering along the way.

All this to say, I don't think it's necessarily healthy to feel guilty.  I don't know if I should feel guilt for my life in Maadi, Cairo - but I do a little bit.  So, I have to think about that and how that translates into a lifestyle that can maybe make a difference, but at least let the suffering in the world change me.

Politics- Let's Think!

I wanted to post this - it was written by a friend of mine and I thought it was good. It also reflects my feelings quite well on this election. Please let me say: if you are a voter in the United States, take some time to think about these candidates, what they have done in the past, what they plan to do in the future, and who you really think would be a better leader for our country. Don't get caught up in cynicism. Vote on the facts, and on what policies these candidates are promising. Do some research, think. It's our duty!


I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
* If you grow up in Hawaii and are raised by your grandparents, you're
'exotic, different.'
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American
story.
* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well
grounded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the
first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter
registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years
as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator
representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of
the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years
in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people
while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs,
Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you
don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city
council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000
people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people,
then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking
executive.
* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while
raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're
not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your
disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a
Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including
the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no
other option in sex education in your state's school system while your
unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.
* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in
a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city
community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values
don't represent America 's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DUI
conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until
age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession
of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable and you are know as putting country first.

OK, much clearer now.

why I 'love' Arabic

There are a few reasons why I love the Arabic language.  Most are completely sarcastic ones, and the word 'love' can really be replaced by 'frustrated by' or even 'hate' on the bad days.  But here are a few tidbits for your enjoyment.

1.  Arabic verbs have a sickly number of conjugations.  I have so far learned four tenses (command, present, past and future) and so far the total number of conjugations is 56.  That's 56 forms of each verb that I have to know.

2.  In Arabic you don't just say - that's my book, or that's his car.  You have to put a special ending on the noun (ex. book, car) to indicate that it is yours, mine, or his.  Oh, and Arabic also separates everything according to male or female.  So, there are 14 different suffixes that you can attach to any noun, in order to indicate a possessive.

3.  The Arabic alphabet has 28 letters, which can be written in different ways depending on where they fall in the word.  There are also vowel symbols that are written in to let you know how to pronounce the word and distinguish between one word and another with the same letters.

You know, I was going to write more but I think that's all I can handle for now.  I don't want to depress myself.

But I just wanted you to know.  So please don't ask me if I'm fluent yet.   Think of me with pity once and awhile, and if you decide to learn another language, I suggest Italian or Spanish.

My New Home

Hi all,

I've decided to post a few pictures of my new apartment - it's not much but it will be a nice relaxing home for the next few months. I especially love the brightly colored window in my bedroom! It shines in multi-colored light into my room in the morning. :)

Coming Home to Egypt

I'm back in Egypt.  Perhaps not surprisingly, it feels like I never left.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time - just a little bit - to revisit feelings of excitment and uncertainty that I used to associate with arriving in Cairo.  I guess it's a mark of time, maybe even maturity, to no longer feel the same way when I arrive in Egypt.  Now, it's getting more complicated.  It's like coming home - a mix of feelings that soon give way to the realization of 'life as I used to know it' colliding with 'I've changed but how do I newly fit into this place that I used to call home?'

I've always said that I have a love-hate relationship with Cairo.  That is still true, but also I think that it is evolving into the kind of feeling you have when you go back home - to a place where many stages of your life have taken place and you find yourself evolving within its context.  Life in Cairo for me has seen many new faces, new experiences, new goals, new jobs and new emotions.  Sometimes it's hard to sort out how I really feel about this place, because really it's just tied up with my feelings about life in general over the past three years.

All of that being said, it's good to be back.  I have some amazing friends here, who I look forward to spending much more time with.  I'm also excited about learning Arabic, working on Palestine project ideas, and continuing to immerse myself in this culture and deepen my understanding of what it means to be an Egyptian.  

There are some new things I need to adjust to this time around.  Living in Maadi, in a new apartment, is one.  Losing many of my American/foreigner friends is another.   And I need to adjust to being a student again - something that I haven't been in some time.  I'm hoping to adjust to being busy (something I wasn't in Egypt last time).  Being busy in Egypt isn't easy but I think it is preferable for me at this point, rather that succombing to mind-numbing boredom. :)

I plan to keep updating this blog as time goes on this year, to keep track of what happens with my plans, my thoughts, and my life in Egypt.  I'll be back soon.

leaving DC: lessons learned

so today is my last day of work - at least in this small office that I have spent WAY too much time in for the past few months. 7 months spent in Washington, DC. it sounds like a fairly long time, but it has gone by fast. which is okay by me, as I can't wait to go to Minnesota and then on to Egypt!

DC has been an interesting experience. I needed it - and have learned many things during this time. With regards to work, I've learned a lot about management, starting a non-profit, tact, communication and working independently. I've had to make the wise decision by not accepting a managerial job that I couldn't handle in Ramallah, and I've had the frustration of working alone and with very little support in a situation with decreasing motivation. I've had a boss who loves me but does the "hearing but not listening" thing, and a colleague who is a perfectionist and a control-freak. all in all, a great experience. and looking back, not only was I incredibly lucky to get a job so quickly after moving to DC, but also to have one with the flexibility and the opportunity to contribute that I've had. not the perfect experience, but with a lot of quality lessons learned.

on a personal note, I've also learned a lot. about myself: that I am a fool when it comes to guys, that I am emotionally unstable, and that I am more sensitive to hurts from people around me than I like to admit. yes yes, overly serious observations. on the other hand, I guess I'm affirmed in my ability to get through difficult situations, my affinity toward other people, and my confidence.

what I've learned about 'others' (in general): that I can't expect Americans to be like Egyptians, that people all have their own concerns and problems, that no one is good at everything, that I will probably never have the perfect manager, that I cannot expect to be friends with everyone, and that there are just some situations that are best left alone. now: we'll see if I have any idea what these vague inclinations mean when I read this post a year from now. :)

in moving on from DC, I feel thankful that I had this time here. as cheesy as that sounds, I know that I needed this time to re-adjust myself to many things. not hating America was a good one (and realizing that as much as I and many of my friends like to think we are losing our 'Americanness' we still very much ARE.) drinking beer again, shopping, running and spending too much money were also new adjustments (maybe not always well-adjusted), and I needed some time to level out in many ways.

speaking of moving on - I'm excited! looking forward to a month in Minnesota, talking with my brothers, seeing family and swimming in the Walsh's pool, hanging out with friends. and beyond that, back to Egypt on Sept 3. back to a life of insanity and life-stressors, but hopefully with a better perspective and situation this time. and nerdy Arabic study! and once again, throwing myself out there with a desire to do something interesting and 'good' with my life. whatever a 'good life' will be for me.

as Toni and I were saying one day recently: "If I can't be a superhero, what can I be?"

and on we go! :)