what I'm not tired of

This blog is inspired by Antonia, my new roomie here in DC, who recently wrote about what is currently tiring her.

Well, I was thinking of what I'm not tired of.

I'm not tired of talking.
I'm not tired of libraries.
I'm not tired of seeing green grass and trees.
I'm not tired of breathing fresh air.
I'm not tired of seeing clear blue sky.
I'm not tired of summer.
I'm not tired of rain.
I'm not tired of eating pizza with real tomato sauce on it.
I'm not tired of living with Kim and Toni.
I'm not tired of drinking good coffee most days.
I'm not tired of speaking my own language.
I'm not tired of being able to call my family whenever I want.
I'm not tired of wearing tank tops and shorts.
I'm not tired of being invisible in this city.

All this made me realize that I have a lot to be thankful for. I should probably try to enjoy life this side of the development divide while I can. There are perks. Though there are many things that I am tired of right now, I need to remember the daily things that I'm not tired of.

casting our fates to the wind

I really like this quote:

"my whole life has changed as a result of casting my fate to the wind."

(it's from a documentary called 10 MPH which is about some guys who rode a Segway all the way across America.)

maybe I should stop trying so hard to determine my own fate, and let my life be governed by unpredictability and instability. i love stories of people like these guys who left everything behind and did exactly what they wanted to do. some inspiration for me.

so, a few things I'm learning about myself that I wanted to record at this particular point in time:

1. I hate being ordered to do things, even when there is a perfectly good reason for it. Being told to do something, rather than asked, makes me very very angry inside.

2. Evidently one of my strongest traits is dependability (based on an astrology book, so not a truly reliable source, but I guess it kind of makes sense).

3. I truly love hot, humid weather more than the average person. It's not posturing.

4. I really like good coffee. Not a shock for most people, but I never knew that about myself before.

5. I am capable of being an entrepreneur.

6. There is a strong chance that I am not, in fact, over my childhood issues as much as I thought I was.

7. I'm no longer confident of what my dreams are.

8. At the moment, I have no emotional release mechanism. Kim has hers - nature. Nature isn't a strong enough one for me. I think I need music again, it's one of the only things that works for me. I often feel emotionally drained after playing, which is probably a sign that I'm letting my defenses down just for a bit.

9. For the first time, I am hostile to the idea of definite belief or faith. Not just uncomprehending, but hostile.